Lost

Life a frustrating nusience. A never ending cycle of do's and don'ts, can'ts
and won'ts. Fighting back my anger, fighting back my words, losing a piece
of me, dying each time I deny myself the real me. A game it continues on and
I forever losing, never learning as it plays tricks on me. How do I learn
what I've never been taught? How do I feel what I've never felt? How do I
live the perfect life when I've only lived once? A rough draft, my life,
never to be perfect. Living each day a mistake, hoping to never wake up from
this blessing I call sleep. To be trapped in my mind forever.

Rather living life in my mind. Rather seeing with my eyes closed. Rather
seeing what can't be seen. How do I live. How do I become happy? How do I
find the me who was lost to satisfy you. You who wanted the sweet, the
innocent, the loving, the punk. The person you've grown to love, the devil
I've grown to hate. To despise, to fear. Who am I ?Who will I be? Who will
find me? When will I be me? Living my life with my mind open and my mouth
shut, fearing my words of offense will turn away those who I've worked hard
to befriend. All to be true to me? Life a blessing and a curse, life all
bittersweet, but perfect. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to see, it hurts to
be here. Never understanding what is supposed to be understood, hating the
idea of logic. Wish I could think for myself, wish I could be free. Trapped
in a world of the brain dead.

Alexa Bernard